Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I can count

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

What is the reasoning behind conspiracy theorists claiming that there were multiple shooters involved in the JFK assassination?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I can read

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

What are the top 5 star Michelin restaurants near Pompano Beach, Florida?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Ground beef sold at national grocery chain might be contaminated with E. coli, USDA warns - AL.com

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Why is Nickelback known to be a bad band?

I actually pay taxes

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

After 12 Years of Failed Attempts, the Man Who Lost His Hard Drive Containing $742M in Bitcoin Finally Ends His Search - The Daily Galaxy

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Race and genetics do not line up well, new study confirms - Live Science

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t buy bullshit

Where and how did ballet originate?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

How many couples swap wives?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Have you ever had a weird experience immediately following the death of a loved one that made you think there is an afterlife and that the deceased person was communicating with you?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Circle IPO Is Said to Price Above Range to Raise $1.1 Billion - Bloomberg

I see through liars

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have a reading level above third grade

Do other British people agree that the UK should reconquer Ireland?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have complete contempt for traitorism

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have complete contempt for fakery

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard